Kim Kardashian’s divorce was the icing on the cake. Not because I actually care about what happens to the big-bootied reality TV starlet and her young husband, but because it was yet another divorce I had to process this year.
The others hit closer to home, I promise.
There’s the dissolution of a 20-year marriage. And the high school sweethearts who finally called it quits. And the friend whose lavish wedding led to a marriage that lasted a few months. And the other friends who said they simply just fell out of love.
There were houses and kids and dogs and great memories. But, in the end, they decided to go their separate ways. They didn’t make the decision lightly. They were mutual, amicable partings, but I can’t help but to feel just a little bit sad.
My parents have been married 32 years.
They didn’t have a wedding, instead choosing to put the money toward their first house. Even though they said “I do” at the courthouse, they remain dedicated to the whole “for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part” thing.
It hasn’t always been a walk in the park, I’m sure of it. They made a house into a home and struggled with a mortgage and bills and two kids and a dog (and at various points throughout our childhood, rabbits, hermit crabs, birds, fish, and a turtle).
In a society where the divorce rate is hovering around 50 percent, their marriage gives me hope. And so does the marriage of my best friend’s parents, who tied the knot a year before mine. And my boyfriend’s parents, who just celebrated their 25th anniversary. And his grandparents who marked their golden anniversary this summer. And my great aunt, who recently said goodbye to the love of her life, to whom she was married for 55 years.
I know that I am lucky to be surrounded by such great examples of love and devotion.
I read an article earlier this week that said that “love is a crappy reason to marry.” Citing an earlier Huffington Post article, the author says there should be more reasons than just love to tie the knot.
That, even if we don’t admit it, we are marrying for social status, to make a family, to have a companion or simply for financial stability.
Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic. OK, I know I’m a hopeless romantic. But I don’t think the prospect of a joint checking account or the fact that your biological clock is ticking a little louder these days are good enough reasons to walk down the aisle.
These aren’t the foundations for a solid marriage. A recent Prince & Associates survey found that more than 70 percent of 20-something women who said they would marry for money expect to divorce.
I know that no one goes into marriage planning for it to someday end. I don’t know why Kim Kardashian really filed for divorce. And to be honest, I don’t know all the reasons that led my friends to either. Things happen, I get it.
I know that marriage takes work. And if there’s anything that the great marriages I am surrounded by have taught me, they take a lot of love and understanding, too.
A marriage isn’t just about a ring or a dress or finances or kids. It’s about celebrating the good and working through the bad that comes with loving your best friend. I can only hope that one day I can try to make a marriage as strong my parents — and I can promise it won’t be initiated solely for better health insurance.
What do you think are the secrets are of a good marriage? Do you believe marrying for reasons other than love can make a marriage last? How long do you think couples should work at a marriage before filing for divorce? Leave a note in the comments section.